Once we are dancing

As I have said before, I felt like a stranger in this city... all this dreariness and everything was about illnesses. But then I go to the first training sessions and I meet so many great young and energetic people, who like to move, who like to express themselves. For me, that was happiness. This stunningly strong community… 70 people with a common goal. And how everyone slowly discovered Sacre, it´s story of sacrifice …

I came to this city, feeling like a stranger and I kept feeling like this for years, but maybe the reason was because I had closed myself off, because I did not make the effort... I can see now that it is often on you, if you don't feel at home or put down roots. You always have a part in this yourself.

When I think about how, as a child, I always thought that I would do something very special with my life… if I would have met the person I am today back then, I surely would have been disappointed in myself.

Well, my life has never been as exciting as it is right now, because everything I do, I only do it once... even if it goes wrong... even if a project doesn´t work out... there is something new and exciting happening the next day. Whatever it may be...

For a long time I felt like I was running nonstop and gave everything at work. 120% was like nothing to me. Then I was supposed to treat 30 children in 30 hours a week, make 30 appointments, 30 doctor consultations and it became just too much.

I could go back if I wanted to, the job offers are basically thrown at me. They desperately need occupational therapists everywhere. But I don´t want to... I don't want to be so hopelessly overworked anymore, I don't want to be everywhere at once anymore. I just want to get my health back again. Because once you have stood as close to the edge as I have - I never want to go there again, never again, those were such dark days.

If I would assess my market value, I would have to close down my office because I can't pay myself a salary... the profitability is not there... I maintain the office and bear all the costs: wages of my employees, maintenance costs, insurances... everything you need ... and that's not easy... it's also not easy for me talk about it. I can only do that now because I'm fortunate enough to have a husband that earns well and that covers my costs of living, so to speak.

We have failed because of surrounding conditions that... that just pisses me off. I can't be above such a thing, not yet... One could say, I shut myself out of the game. There are also people who say... they don't actually say that, but to me it sounds like I should get off my high horse. I should not exaggerate and be ok with taking on jobs that just pay the bills but where architectural distinctiveness... doesn't play such a big role. But honestly, even for those jobs I could only give my all. Notwithstanding that nobody would actually come to us for these kind of jobs anyway. And to be frank, I am convinced, that your profession would no longer be your vocation anymore.

We are setting priorities that are not real, that are actually not that important. In Italy and Spain I liked the way people treat the elderly and children. You can find them being all together at the village square... Some are playing music, some old men play boccia... the children play around with tires... In between are guys our age, that slowly drink themselves stupid. That all happens next to each other... unthinkable in Germany. If a child runs across the lawn here, you can be sure the first scolding will soon follow suit.

All this economic pressure or what used to be important, earning money, prosperity, all that shit, suddenly doesn´t matter. This fear of social descent and all that stuff, it´s no longer important. But it means, that you are out of the system. Because for everyone else, these things are still valid. And they can't comprehend and understand, that you can have much less and still do fine...

This eight-hour day, which you have at work later on in your life, is already taught at school... bit by bit... over the years you get slowly accostumed to it. It starts with four hours in the first and second grade, until you have reached the eight-hour day... I mean it makes sense and in a way it is the right thing to do . But it is this consequently pursued idea of security, which you already get taught by your parents when you are young. What forces you to go to school for ten, twelve or thirteen years, ignoring your own interests and talents, is actually the fear of not being able to compete later.

Well, life is like a tree diagram. There are endless possibilities of what one could do, so many possibilities to try new things. I could try... like... being an astronaut, a firefighter or cameraman, anything really and I have time to discover my abilities... So, in September I will start to teach a drum workshop. I've never played drums before. But I will learn it.